Tag: Motherhood

Posted in Akira, Amy Douangmany, Ariyah, Malynah, Maylana, Romance, Self Reflection

Dear Diary, There’s a saying I once heard:

Posted on by Ms. Amy D

to truly love someone, you need to know them.

It’s 1:40 AM, and my mind is swimming in this strange déjà vu. Here I am, exchanging messages with someone whose name I don’t know, whose gender I couldn’t even guess, and whose life feels worlds apart from mine. They’re from Singapore, studying in China, and somehow, across the vast oceans and time zones, they reached out with an invitation to join a TikTok Creators Live Network. I don’t entirely grasp the concept yet, but their gesture fills me with excitement and possibility.

It’s funny—this feels like having a pen pal in the digital age. We’re connected not by stamps but by a shared energy, a quiet understanding. This person, whoever they are, seems genuinely invested in my growth, and that’s humbling. It reminds me of something I’ve been realizing lately: sometimes, the people who want the best for you come from unexpected places. This moment feels like a blessing, a tiny seed of hope planted in the soil of my journey.

After a beautiful week with my children—my girls lighting up the weekend with their smiles—I’ve found this unwavering belief in the idea that everything will be okay. My kids deserve every ounce of love I can give, and they remind me, over and over, why I keep pushing forward. People come and go in life, often leaving scars, but my children’s love? It’s as pure and unconditional as it gets.

There’s a saying I once heard: to truly love someone, you need to know them. That resonates deeply with me, especially when I think of my kids. They notice the smallest details about me—when I’m tired, when I’m worried—and their concern touches my soul in ways I can’t describe. Their love teaches me that sacrifices aren’t burdens but bridges to something greater.

Yet, with love comes vulnerability. Not all connections are safe; some come with their share of betrayal and hurt. And then there are those rare ones that feel like home—no drama, no pretense, just a quiet kind of love. Those connections remind me that love doesn’t need flashy titles, material gifts, or grand gestures. Sometimes, love is simply enough.

I’ve been reflecting on how much of myself I’ve given away in relationships. Sharing your story, your quirks, and your dreams with someone feels like an investment, but when things end, it can feel like they’ve walked away with pieces of you. Still, even in those moments, there’s growth. You learn, you heal, and you come to understand that every connection, fleeting or lasting, has its purpose.

So here’s my takeaway for today: love, in all its forms, is never wasted. Whether it’s a stranger reaching out across the globe, the quiet bond with my children, or a connection that leaves without warning, every thread of love weaves into the fabric of who we are. And that, I think, is the real gift.

Love always,

Amy

Posted in Amy Douangmany, Blog, Healing, Meditation, Self Reflection

Dear Diary, I find myself grappling with an unusual fatigue

Posted on by Ms. Amy D

– a heaviness that lingers within me.

Life has been quite intriguing lately. I truly believe that the universe has a way of aligning things to your liking when the time is right. Yet, there are moments when that waiting period feels like it stretches on for centuries—maybe even decades—though in reality, it’s probably just a few months. The weight of that waiting can feel overwhelming.

Recently, I reached out to several friends, and their responses have been nurturing and supportive, adding bits of positivity to my life. It’s remarkable how, at our core, we are all just human beings trying to navigate this existence. In these interactions, I’ve come to realize the importance of kindness, forgiveness, and making the best of every situation. I don’t want to be caught up in conflicts or negativity with others. I strive to understand their perspectives, but I know that we all need to find common ground and hit that reset button together.

For me, resetting feels crucial right now. I’m facing some emotional and spiritual challenges that seem to have caught up with me. Catching up with friends—whether in person or over text—has become a vital part of my healing process. I don’t want to be selective about when or how I reach out; I just want to connect. However, prioritizing these connections has become difficult because I’m focused on my own growth and self-improvement.

As the weather turns colder, I find myself embracing my hibernation season. I crave the comfort of home, cozying up with warm coffee and comfort food. There’s a simple luxury in having a safe place to call home, where I can operate on my own schedule—though I know that, like everything else, that can change. Change is inevitable, the one constant in life, and I welcome it. It often brings discomfort and demands adaptation, but upon closer reflection, I see that we are always adjusting to the shifts around us. I’m choosing to remain open to these changes, eager to continue growing along my journey.

Lately, I’ve been feeling particularly fatigued, and I know I’m not at my best energy-wise. Restoring that energy is important to me, especially as I focus on improving my communication and relationship with my children. I want to reassure them that they will always have a safe space with me, and everything I do is centered on creating that environment for them. As for my friends and family, I’m doing my best to stay connected without putting too much pressure on myself or them. I trust that we will reconnect in our usual ways when the time is right.

I remain humble and grateful, aware that my struggles, while challenging, are nothing compared to what others face. I recognize that life can indeed be much harder, and I strive to maintain that perspective. Acknowledging my current challenges allows me to understand that these experiences are opportunities for growth. I believe that life will get better, and I hold on to the hope that everything will eventually fall into place in due time.

Posted in Akira, Amy Douangmany, Ariyah, Blog, Healing, Malynah, Maylana, Self Reflection

💝💭🫀🐅🐾 Dear Diary, There is something incredibly beautiful

Posted on by Ms. Amy D

about being a woman, especially a mother to daughters.

It feels like such a special, almost magical connection to share a similar energy with them. And if you’re lucky, like me, to be a girly girl yourself, surrounded by women who are the same—your mom, your kids, your sisters—it feels like an endless thread of experiences and conversations. There’s always something to talk about, something to bond over. I think it’s so amazing how women can connect like that. If life weren’t weighed down by all its stresses, I feel like we could be even more connected, as human beings should be. But the way society is structured sometimes causes challenges for people, especially those less fortunate. It creates these divides, placing people on different levels of life instead of seeing everyone as equals. The best way I can explain it is by looking at tax brackets—such a clear example of how people are categorized and separated.

I’m also really proud of myself because I made it through my first week of a caffeine detox. I know the advice out there is to ease into it and not quit cold turkey, but that’s exactly what I did. I guess I don’t always like to go with the flow. Sometimes I feel like going against the grain is important. It’s about experiencing something for yourself, even if it’s tough, so you have a story to share, a lesson learned. It gives you a unique perspective, like, “This is why it’s hard, but here’s what I gained from it.” I think there’s something beautiful about taking a different path, even when it’s the harder one, because it shows courage and bravery. It highlights how different we can be from one another, and that’s what makes us special.

Today, I’m feeling really good, almost emotional in a way that brings tears to my eyes. I’ve been feeling so disconnected from the people I love the most in life, especially my mom, my sisters, and even my dad. Life has a way of pulling us in different directions, but the friends I’ve made along the way—they’ve been my steady anchors, always within reach. My family, too, even when we drift apart. I think it’s normal to go on our own journeys for a while, but what matters is that we always find our way back to each other. That bond will always be there.

Life is full of ups and downs, but I truly believe that if you look for the good, you’ll always find it, no matter how tough things get. Even when chaos and obstacles come your way, the journey is the journey. And no matter what, I know I’ll get to where I’m meant to be.

Posted in Amy Douangmany, Blog, Healing, Self Reflection

🌁🖼🎨🎻🪫Dear Diary, Life can only be appreciated when you focus

Posted on by Ms. Amy D

on giving negative issues less attention.

At the end of the day, we have to remember that we entered this world at the exact time and date we were supposed to. When our time comes to an end, we’ll take our exit at whatever time and date that’s destined. Adopting the mindset that I was meant to come into this world alone, go through everything alone, and leave alone has given me a clearer perspective on how to see the world.

It’s so important to navigate different circumstances, obstacles, and challenges with grace, hope, and wisdom. Ultimately, these qualities are the key to protecting your peace, setting boundaries, and creating the life you want to live. I realize I could have been more firm with my boundaries in the past. Setting clear boundaries is something I’ve been making progress on.

Life can only be appreciated when you focus on giving negative issues less attention and continuing to pour love into yourself, forgiving yourself, and accepting that not everything is within our control. We’re all living for the first time and trying to heal from various things in our lives. I’m hopeful that everything that has happened to me was meant to happen, and I will triumph through the good and the bad.

Sometimes, it means minimizing trauma to face value. But in my personal time, when it’s appropriate, I allow myself to fully process and heal from those traumas. People might not understand that I don’t have the leisure or luxury to maximize my traumas due to the responsibilities I carry in my life. The way that I process my feelings and evaluate the events in my life are for me to understand and is ultimately my responsibility in where the opinions of others are just merely that, opinions.

I hope we can be good to each other because life is short. If things could be simplified, we could all benefit collectively from better communication, understanding, and empathy. I hope these days of feeling this way will eventually stop so I can finally breathe and face controversy without fear.

My concerns and intentions to address my concerns are genuine and valid. I’m just trying to get through life with the people I want to spend it with—my children, a few friends, and family. It is a very small, tight-knit circle that’s mostly inaccessible. I will always love those who love and support me.

I pray that I am continuously protected, time after time, again and again.  I aspire for that day to come where I’m able to feel safe existing and being my authentic self. I look forward to focusing on the little things that matter to me. Right now, nothing matters more than my kids. That’s all that matters to me then, now and will forever always be through this lifetime of mine.

Posted in Akira, Amy Douangmany, Ariyah, Blog, Healing, Malynah, Maylana, Self Reflection

🦋🪺🕊🐾💧 Dear Diary, We’re all experiencing life for the first time

Posted on by Ms. Amy D

and it’s far from easy.

My throat is very dry and raspy, so I’m drinking some Aqua Panna natural spring water from Tuscany.

One thing about me is that I struggle with drinking water. I’ve always been bad at staying hydrated, and that’s probably why I decided to invest in higher quality water.

Now, I feel a bit better. Thinking about my mom, I’m grateful every day for her, despite her strictness when growing up. Now that I’m an adult with my own children, I love my mom so much. We often don’t understand how hard it is to be a mom, trying to raise multiple children while also learning and living life for the first time, just like our parents or children. We’re all experiencing life for the first time, and it’s far from easy.

I appreciate my mom doing her best to raise me with simple values like mindfulness, understanding, patience, and respect. Nowadays, respect seems so rare. Sometimes, we need to understand that people can only love as much as they love themselves. If they don’t love themselves, it’s impossible for them to love others.

I was up looking at my Tiktok campaigns, and one of them is the Feed Your Wild Side campaign. I joined because I felt a wild, fun, and free-spirited side to me exists. I submitted three videos, but one got rejected because I accidentally removed a letter from the account name. That was disappointing because it showed five years of being a mom to my youngest, capturing a very intimate relationship with her. Things have changed over time, but my love for my kids is the most valuable thing in my life. I look forward to continuing to create memories with them. My wild side revolves around being a mom, and I wouldn’t change that. There are struggles in parenting, especially as children growing to be adults find their identities, which can take a lifetime.

I plan to continue loving myself as much as I can so that I can love them. It always starts with ourselves, and the love I have for them is a testament to how much I love myself. I’m constantly trying my best to get out of situations that don’t serve me or my purpose. I encourage everyone to do the same. Don’t let your life be limited by people who want to keep you on standby with no regard to your personal struggles or need for support because it’s just unnecessary baggage that’s not needed.  The way people treat you reflects how they feel about you, and once you accept that, you need to move with grace and not subject yourself to a lifestyle that doesn’t serve you.

Negative emotions can really affect your well-being. Feelings of being burdened, resentment, being gaslit, manipulated, or lied to can be detrimental to your mental and emotional health. So, choose yourself every time. The economy is rough, and nothing is promised. Live your life and share it with people who make you feel purposeful and passionate.

I don’t enjoy being in survival mode ever. I feel like I’ve done my part, being patient and understanding, thinking about others’ positions without any reciprocation. It’s rare to find someone who does something for you without reminding you of it. Genuine love shouldn’t come at the expense of your mental, physical, or spiritual health.

I’m thankful for my mom. The more I think about her, the more I realize it’s a parent’s lifelong responsibility to influence their children to be good, respectful, and mindful people. Sometimes it’s hard to accept things as they are, rather than as we wish them to be. But I’m coming to terms with it, and I think this will set me free.

I pray for continued wisdom, patience, and guidance. I hope that the good I put out will eventually align me with someone as real as I am. I don’t want to be in a relationship where my values are disrespected, where there are no morals or commitment to love and marriage. I hold my body, mind, and soul sacred and hope to make the best decisions for my future. We truly live once, and if we do it right, it’s enough.

Posted in Amy Douangmany, Blog, Healing, Self Reflection

🚢 🚣‍♀️ 🏊‍♀️ 🚀 👩‍🚀 Dear Diary, Tonight feels like I’m at Point Nemo.

Posted on by Ms. Amy D

I feel like I’m probably closer to space than I am to Earth at this point.

I feel so disconnected from certain individuals. I don’t understand why I can’t escape this feeling of being burdened and imprisoned by outside energy.

The water is calm where I am. The sun isn’t too hot. I can hear the leaves rustling on the trees and feel the movements of life in the waters surrounding this island. I am probably in a hammock in a bikini with a very adorable cat soaking up the sun. This cat of mine would have a round face, big fluffy paws, and her name is probably going to be Sailor Moon or Mooncake. Or Cupcake. She’s going to be part of my journey when the time comes, and I look forward to meeting her and having her accompany me, sooner than later.

I seek stability, structure, affection, and reassurance—all of these things that I keep putting out. But either my expectations are too high or others’ expectations are too low, and I feel disappointed.

I refuse to believe that the love I hope to acquire one day, the love of my life, doesn’t exist. I ask for simply what I’d give—the love that I put out. I want just that, if not more, and it seems almost unattainable. I’ve made peace with such possibilities, and I’m okay with focusing on just connecting with my inner self, nature, and everything in between. Maybe this is the epitome for me.

The lights on my balcony may not be much and may not cover a lot of space, but they’re on my balcony. People see them, they acknowledge them to themselves, and they’re beautiful. Dimmable. That’s me. I’m a balcony with lights on it. I put out light—not always, but I put out light. I aspire to be remembered, especially for having a reputation for putting out light, no matter how dark or bright it is. It’s consistently on when it needs to be, not necessarily as a reminder, but as an identifier. I am this lighted balcony.

I’m on the balcony, rocking back and forth with two scoops of orange sherbet ice cream in one hand and iced coffee in my pink, Stanley, 30-ounce cup nearby. The day started at 96 degrees, down to 86 degrees in the evening, and the temperature will continue to drop to about 66 degrees by midnight.

That’s when the lights are on and brightest in my home. That’s when I’m awake while the world is asleep. And I’m okay with that because maybe I’m just not made for this world. Maybe in another universe, we can be on the same schedule for once. Just maybe.

I’m going to dim my lights to an all-time low, but when I turn up the brightness, don’t stare and brace yourself because you could be blinded by how bright these lights can get. It’s still dimmable. Only on my command. Unlimited lumens.

Posted in Amy Douangmany, Blog, Healing, parenting, Self Reflection

🧖‍♀️👩‍👦👭👼🐈 Dear Diary, I’ve been on a journey of seeing the good in people

Posted on by Ms. Amy D

but now it’s about seeing the good in me.

Today marks yet another milestone for me. Last night, I had the best sleep in a long time. It’s as if my worries are gradually leaving my mind and life. I’ve been reflecting a lot, especially on the cycle of life and our existence. We live day by day, and it’s essential to see each day as a gift.

I’ve been on a journey of seeing the good in people, but now it’s about seeing the good in me. I see the good in myself and acknowledge the good I deserve. This morning, I stretched, turned, and tousled in bed, almost reluctant to get up. I realized I was fully rested for the first time in nearly two months. This feeling brought reassurance, and I approached my day differently than usual.

I hopped in the shower and shampooed my hair, excited for our first family portrait in two years. The last time I tried to do it myself, my hair was faded and didn’t look right in the photos. I might try to edit those old photos again to bring them to life. But today was wonderful.

Life’s challenges aren’t always visible; they can be psychological, mental, or emotional. As women, we face these challenges monthly with our periods, compounded by additional stresses. It’s overwhelming, and I commend everyone who perseveres.

We often don’t acknowledge how gracefully we navigate each day, especially in today’s economy. Many of us enter this world without resources, family, or friends. But today, I felt good. I captured a few behind-the-scenes moments with my children, filling my heart with happiness. My passion for life centers around my relationship with them. I’m eager to understand their thoughts and personalities as they grow, influenced by people, teachers, celebrities, and little things that catch their attention.

I strive to continue to be an idol for them. When times get tough, I want them to think of how hard Mom worked and how she always made things happen without tolerating drama or gossip. I choose kindness, and when I can’t, I choose silence or empathy. This emotional intelligence and awareness have strengthened my character, reputation, and credibility.

We went for a nice fancy dinner, and I focused on quality time and sharing ideas with my children rather than spoiling them with luxuries. As they grow older and understand hard work’s value, I’ll introduce them to the more finer things. I’ve learned that sometimes we self-sabotage and miss opportunities for healthy relationships by being passive.

I’ve become protective of my presence, energy, and the details of my life. I no longer share my plans or achievements with everyone. There’s peace and security in executing plans and experiencing rewards for oneself. Mistakes teach resilience, and not everyone needs to know your wins or losses.

As the night concludes, my heart is full, and I’m grateful for the memories created with my children on this special birthday. I wouldn’t have wanted to spend it with anyone else but them.

Cheers to another year.

Posted in Amy Douangmany, Blog, Healing, Meditation, Romance, Self Reflection, Travel

👰🏽‍♀️⚘️🍸🎁🪡 Dear Diary, Today, I make a solemn promise to myself:

Posted on by Ms. Amy D

One day, I will no longer cry because of the pain others have inflicted upon me.

I will rise above the hurtful feelings, the disrespect, and the sense of not being good enough.


People’s negative thoughts and words about me have weighed heavily on my spirit while I struggle to survive and make the best of each day. Despite their efforts to tear me down, I tell myself that I will not cry. I will keep a straight face, perhaps with a knowing smirk.

But beyond that, I aspire to smile and laugh. I want to be pleasant and joyful in every moment of my life. If I were to cry then, it would be only tears of joy, seeing the fruits of my labor, the values I instill in my children, and the love I share with the man I choose to be my husband.

I’m starting to realize that looks only go so far, especially as I grow older. I can’t maintain what others expect of me forever, but I can ensure that I take good care of myself. I will continue to vibrate at the highest frequency, manifest my dreams, and exude my divine feminine energy, my genuine heart, and pure beauty.

I seek to be valued and respected by only the purest forms of love. Just because you are unaware of it, it exists, particularly for me. Therefore, I will ultimately be on the path to where I need to go. I will always be on time, arriving exactly when I am meant to.

Just know that much, dear diary.

Posted in Amy Douangmany, Blog, Healing, Self Reflection

💭🍷🏛🎠⌚️ Dear Diary, I’m starting to realize that I am ready to gatekeep every little thing about me

Posted on by Ms. Amy D

because I’m on a different path now. My path is all about peace and privacy.

Today, I feel good. It’s a very interesting kind of good because, amongst all the chaos, distractions, and overthinking, there’s something good about just doing things. Not going places and socializing, or sleeping or sitting—anything stagnant. It really surprised me today that just getting up to clean, constantly focusing on cleaning, putting stuff away, cooking, and just focusing on eating—these little tasks really keeps me occupied. I’m using my day today to semi-disconnect from people.

As I reach out to people, I’m starting to realize that I must re-evaluate my stance with individuals I reach out to. Life is about priorities – people, events, and things important to you will always hold priority. Those that don’t obviously won’t. Of course, I know this because I deal with life the same way. It’s okay not to be a priority in everyone’s life, as long as the people I prioritize also prioritize me. I think that’s fair.

There is something about being understanding that we need todwell further in. Being understanding means you’re nice, and good girls always finish last. It’s always the villains who have that darker side that comes off as stuck up or too much to handle yet those people usually suffer less because no one can access their time, energy, or personal life. I’m on my way down that path right now, where I don’t feel the need to overshare. Even when it comes to my intellect and intelligence, I don’t believe that everyone should have access to it. As I continue to grow wiser over time, with my experiences and the different obstacles and challenges in life, I’m starting to realize that I am ready to gatekeep every little thing about me because I’m on a different path now. My path is all about peace and privacy because what people don’t know, they can’t attack. What people don’t understand, they will confuse, and they will try to define it in a way that can either hurt or help you. So, the less you speak, the less you show and tell, the less damage or intervening they can do in general.

I value the idea of protecting myself as an individual, including my goals, my plans, and my attempts to recover any happiness that I’ve lost over time. Not only do I intend to recover happiness that may have been taken away from me, especially without my consent, but my intention is also to increase and add to my happiness. I am so excited about this journey of mine into this new era.

For now, the journey has been going well. Too well.

Toodles.

Posted in Akira, Amy Douangmany, Blog, Healing, Romance, Self Reflection

💫🫶🏼🧖‍♀️🦚🥂 Dear Diary, Time really is of the essence.

Posted on by Ms. Amy D

It is important to live a life with purpose.

It’s been a while since I wrote.

And with everything going on, there’s so much to write about.

Suddenly, off I go into a world where my time seems to constantly slip away. There never seems to be enough of it, and it’s being filled with a bunch of nothings and some things. I know none of this makes sense, but it’s okay. Because somewhat, somehow, it makes sense to me.

I poured in hot water and closed the lid to my ramen bowl. I walked towards my bedroom, and I felt good. My room is a mess. I haven’t fully unpacked from my vacation, so things are once again out of place. I look up at the ceiling; it is spinning, and I feel tired yet restless simultaneously. I allow my thoughts to consume the moment.

Have you ever spent so much time telling yourself not to think about someone while doing it at the same time? Have you ever had to experience a pain that relives itself multiple times a day, every single day, for about a month now? And that pain seems to have a never-ending level of hurt. Right when I feel like I’m hurting so much, I feel like there’s always more pain to be felt.

There is something that I’ve been yearning for. I can’t seem to get there, at least not yet. But I feel like when I do, I will feel this just as intensely and consistently and persistently as the pain I’ve had to endure every single day. I’m starting to appreciate myself more because I don’t feel like people fully appreciate me enough. And I’m starting to realize that they can’t appreciate me enough because they don’t even know how to appreciate themselves. They don’t know what to appreciate at all, actually.

Time really is of the essence. It is important to live a life with purpose, to move with purpose and intention because, in order to grow, you need to continue to find your purpose, passions, and intentions. You need to continue to stimulate your mind and challenge your thinking process.

I have this feeling that maybe manifestations do come true, and when they do, it might be in the best form ever, in the most genuine and craziest ways. I feel like I deserve so much, and maybe, maybe it’s just a matter of time for everyone and everything to get lined up. Maybe it’s all worth it in the end because, for everything that I’ve been through, I feel like I deserve it. I deserve the most sincere love, the most intentional love and support, and the freedom that I’ve always wanted to have. I feel like I’ve been trapped in a world of hopelessness and constant struggling, and you know, I really feel like I am ready to receive. I’ve taken the steps to heal, to be the best person that I can be at this moment, and I welcome changes, challenges, and opportunities because I am worthy of them and I will never hesitate to prove that.