Posted in Amy Douangmany, Blog, Healing, Meditation, Parenthood, Self Reflection, Travel

Dear Diary, Father’s Day began quietly,

wrapped in simple comforts.

The morning started with beef nacho lumpia and warm señorita bread. I picked up donuts for the girls to share later and paired my breakfast with a Vietnamese hazelnut coffee—extra sweet, just the way I like it. For a moment, everything felt right. There were conversations, some spoken aloud and others left quietly understood, and I carried on through the day with nothing more than my little routines and a peaceful heart.

Life has a funny way of reminding me, again and again, that what I have is enough.

No matter the season—whether life feels abundant or whether I have to tighten my comforts and adjust to new circumstances—I somehow always feel provided for. Even in moments when I have less than what I’m accustomed to, I’m aware that I still have so much. There’s something beautiful in recognizing that. I hope I never lose that perspective.

By dinner, we decided on cold foods. Sushi for most of us, though Akira, ever faithful to the foods she trusts, chose a slice of pepperoni pizza. Afterwards she had the most delicate New York cheesecake, along with freshly squeezed orange juice. It was one of those desserts that makes you pause after the first bite, simply because it’s perfect.

In between meals, there were little snacks scattered throughout the day. Whole wheat sea salt crackers, butterkäse cheese, and guacamole. Maylana happily dipped her favorite kettle-cooked jalapeño chips—the kind in the bright green bag—into her guacamole as if she’d discovered treasure.

Later, my daughter convinced me to try a Belgian waffle she had picked out. She declared it would have been better warmed up, and she was probably right.

Then Maly introduced me to something magical—a sorbet gelato popsicle bursting with fruit. She couldn’t finish it, so naturally I volunteered to help. One bite and I was completely enchanted. Rich, bright, sweet—like summertime frozen into happiness.

Oakland greeted us with cool weather, and somehow Whole Foods felt cozy and safe. We crossed bridges and watched the bay shimmer beneath the cloudy sky. But what I love most about those drives isn’t just the scenery.

It’s the music.

Ever since the girls were babies, I’ve always been the DJ. Not the kind who quietly plays songs in the background, either. I’m talking music turned all the way up. Windows cracked open. The kind of loud where the whole car becomes its own little world.

And the girls love it.

Maybe because it’s familiar. Maybe because it’s all they’ve ever known. But I think they feel safe there. Safe inside our little concert hall on wheels, where every drive has a soundtrack and every song somehow becomes part of the memory.

I’ve always appreciated music deeply. Not just the lyrics.. though sometimes the lyrics speak to me, but the melodies, the instruments, the harmonies, and even the silence between the notes. Sometimes music says what words cannot.

So with the windows down and the speakers alive, we crossed bridges and followed the curves of the bay, letting the music carry us. The girls gazed out at the water while I admired the scenery, and for a while it felt like we’d stepped into another world altogether.

Those drives are special.

That’s where my father rests.

His ashes were spread near the bridges and the water, and every time I return to the Bay, I think about him. It’s funny because I don’t remember him doing much in the Bay Area while he was alive. Life has a funny way of choosing endings we never would have imagined for ourselves.

We really don’t have much control over how we’re remembered, how we’re honored, or how others carry pieces of us after we’re gone. Eventually, we let go. We surrender. We trust.

And somehow, with the music filling the car and my children beside me, I feel close to him.

Sometimes I think he rides with us.

The drive home became a little adventure.

I followed GPS and took Highway 12 and soon realized my gas tank was running lower than I liked. Every time I searched for a gas station, it seemed to be twenty miles away. Darkness had settled in, and with tired children in the car, I could feel that familiar uncertainty quietly creeping in.

Eventually, I recalibrated my maps and refreshed my route. There was a gas station much closer than I had thought.

And then something strange happened.

I remember telling myself that I didn’t want to drive fast. We had already had such a wonderful day, and I just wanted to get home safely.

As if the world had heard me, I found myself behind a vehicle with hazard lights on. For nearly five miles, we traveled together. They drove slowly, and everyone else behind us had no choice but to slow down too.

I thought they were heading toward the gas station as well, but when I pulled in, they simply continued on. Their troubles had nothing to do with gas. Eventually, we parted ways.

But standing there beside the pump, I couldn’t help but think about life.

Sometimes we think we’re running on empty. We fear that everything will come to an abrupt stop. Maybe one day it will. Life itself is temporary, and none of us know whether our ending will arrive quietly or suddenly.

But until that day comes, we just keep going.

We trust that somehow we’ll make it.

We ask for help when we need it.

We follow the little lights ahead of us.

And perhaps that’s enough.

Maybe that’s all we were ever meant to do.

Father’s Day wasn’t filled with grand celebrations. I spoke only a little about him the day of but I expanded more on my thoughts and feelings about this year being different. Mostly, I wanted to spend the day with my children, watching the water and crossing the bridges, feeling close to someone I miss.

And maybe that’s what love looks like now.

Not elaborate plans.

Not chasing some picture-perfect life.

Just ordinary moments.

Making meals with care.

Touching your children’s hair as they sit beside you.

Listening to their stories.

Sharing bites of dessert.

Driving nowhere in particular.

Taking out the trash.

Exercising.

Following familiar routines.

Being present.

Sometimes the world tells us that life must be bigger—more travel, more experiences, more excitement, more everything.

But I think there’s something sacred about enough.

At least for me, this is enough.

These little moments…

the loud music,

the sleepy conversations,

the girls laughing over sushi and cheesecake,

the bridges and the water,

the memory of my father,

the familiar roads home,

and these children beside me…

they are everything.

And somehow, beautifully, they always have been.

Posted in Akira, Amy Douangmany, Ariyah, Malynah, Maylana, Parenthood, Self Reflection, Travel

Dear Diary, The answer is always the same.

My children.

It amazes me sometimes—this quiet connection I have with the world when I go live. It’s as if souls I’ve never met are reaching out, asking me, “What’s on your mind?”
What do I think about when I’m in the shower…
When I’m lying in bed with the weight of the day heavy on my chest…
When silence finally wraps around me?

The answer is always the same.
My children.
I wonder if they truly know how much I love them.
I hope they feel it, even in the moments when I can’t be everything they need.
Even when I’m silently fighting to become more than the version of me they see.

Sometimes I think—I’ve been asleep. Not in a literal way, but in the way that dreams die when you stop chasing them.
I’ve been sleeping on my potential.
Not because I don’t believe in it,
but because somewhere along the way, pain became familiar.
I settled into survival… and called it home.

I won’t lie—getting back up is terrifying.
After so many setbacks, staying down started to feel safe.
But I can’t stay here, not anymore.
Not when their future is calling me forward.
Not when my own soul is begging me to rise.

I’m doing this for them.
But also, for the woman I used to dream of becoming.

I could stay where it’s comfortable, where no one expects too much of me.
But I want more.
More joy, more peace, more sunsets on beaches and laughter in warm kitchens.
More moments where I’m fully alive, not just breathing.

I’m too young to waste my light.
Too full of untold stories, unshaken dreams, and unspoken love.

There is so much beauty still waiting for me.
Vacations not yet taken, memories not yet made.
And the thought of holding my babies close under Christmas lights or running through waves in the summer—
That’s enough to keep me going.

I’m not where I want to be…
But I’m not where I used to be either.

And that, dear diary,
is the beginning of everything.

Me

Posted in Amy Douangmany, Self Reflection, Travel

Dear Diary, I’m not home yet—

But I’m on my way.

I guess… this is it. This is life—messy, unpredictable, and far more complicated than I ever imagined. I didn’t see it before, but now I realize even life has a honeymoon phase. Those early years were effortless—pure, carefree. And then it shifts. One day, you wake up and everything feels heavier. Now here I am, trying to make it, one day at a time.

Tonight, I feel restless. I’ve been filling my time, staying busy, focused, distracting myself. But somewhere deep inside, I know there’s got to be more to life than this. All those missed trips—not because I couldn’t go, but because I wouldn’t. I was protecting myself from creating memories that might carry the weight of sadness. It wasn’t the right time then… and maybe it still isn’t. But something in me is stirring. I’m ready for a shift. I’m ready to lean into hope, because that’s what manifesting really is—a choice to believe in better.

I owe myself more. I’ve missed out on so much, but I can feel that changing. Time is precious, and I’m finally ready to honor it. I’m done sitting in the same lane—I’m switching it up. No, I don’t have everything I want, but I have everything I need. And that’s enough to start.

Life has gifted me in so many ways, but sometimes, it still feels like I’m suffocating. Like I have all this air around me, but I just can’t breathe it in right. But I keep reminding myself—five years from now, this moment won’t look the same. I’ve been down long enough, and I’m no longer willing to sell myself short. I’ve seen enough, learned enough, to know my value.

The movie Alpha taught me something important: you may not always know if you’re headed in the right direction, but you always know the destination.

I don’t know exactly when I’ll arrive, but when I do, I promise I’ll care for it deeply. Maybe the secret to living is simply loving where you are. And maybe I can’t fill my home with everyone I love—but I can fill it with their love, with their prayers, with the quiet strength of knowing they’re with me in spirit.

I’m probably on a hypothetically long road trip—maybe by plane, car, or bus. Along the way, I’ll make a few stops here and there. Some will be brief, others longer than expected. Some will bring joy, and some may bring delays and obstacles. After countless journeys to everywhere and anywhere, one thing I know for sure: no matter the path, for me, that final destination will always be home.

I’m not home yet. But I’m on my way.

Posted in Amy Douangmany, Blog, Healing, Travel

Dear Diary, I am on my way

to a place that I cannot yet name

—a destination unknown but unfolding with every step I take. So, for now, let’s call this my chapter. This is my new beginning, my fresh journey, the next volume in the story of my life. And as long as I continue turning the pages, the story doesn’t end.

I’ve come to accept that with growth comes pain, and with change comes fear. The unknown will always carry uncertainty, and there will be moments where I question everything. But life was never meant to be predictable or easy. We are not meant to have all the answers at once. We are meant to live, to stumble, to learn, and to rise again.

Seasons change, and so do we. As winter fades and the promise of spring lingers on the horizon, I find comfort in knowing that warmth and beauty will return. I look forward to the blooming of flowers—their resilience speaks to me. They withstand the harshness of the elements, enduring rain, wind, and even the scorching sun. Yet, when the conditions are right, they flourish. The world stops to admire their beauty, just as it will recognize the strength within me once I, too, have weathered my storms.

I share pieces of this journey with those who support me, those who believe in me even when I struggle to believe in myself. And for that, I am humbled and grateful. These obstacles, no matter how overwhelming they may seem, are only temporary. When they pass, they will be nothing more than memories—lessons I have learned, experiences that have shaped me, but not chains that bind me.

I think about the light at the end of the tunnel, and I remind myself that it is there. No matter how dark things get, brightness always returns. After every storm, the sun shines again. And if we’re lucky, we might even catch a glimpse of a rainbow—a reminder of beauty after hardship, a symbol of hope.

Lately, I’ve been reminiscing about my beloved cat, Chase. My British Shorthair, who left paw prints on my heart that will never fade. I wish I could have had him with me longer, but just as I did not know he would come into my life, I could not control when he left. That is the nature of life—so much of it is beyond our control. But it does not mean we forget.

Those who have touched our souls never truly leave us. Their stories live on through the way we speak of them, the lessons they taught us, and the love they left behind. There’s a saying: when someone passes, they die twice—once when they take their last breath, and again when their name is no longer spoken. So I will continue to speak of those who have left the deepest imprints on my heart.

Here’s to another day—another page turned, another step forward, another chance to live, learn, and bloom.

Posted in Amy Douangmany, Blog, Healing, Meditation, Romance, Self Reflection, Travel

👰🏽‍♀️⚘️🍸🎁🪡 Dear Diary, Today, I make a solemn promise to myself:

One day, I will no longer cry because of the pain others have inflicted upon me.

I will rise above the hurtful feelings, the disrespect, and the sense of not being good enough.


People’s negative thoughts and words about me have weighed heavily on my spirit while I struggle to survive and make the best of each day. Despite their efforts to tear me down, I tell myself that I will not cry. I will keep a straight face, perhaps with a knowing smirk.

But beyond that, I aspire to smile and laugh. I want to be pleasant and joyful in every moment of my life. If I were to cry then, it would be only tears of joy, seeing the fruits of my labor, the values I instill in my children, and the love I share with the man I choose to be my husband.

I’m starting to realize that looks only go so far, especially as I grow older. I can’t maintain what others expect of me forever, but I can ensure that I take good care of myself. I will continue to vibrate at the highest frequency, manifest my dreams, and exude my divine feminine energy, my genuine heart, and pure beauty.

I seek to be valued and respected by only the purest forms of love. Just because you are unaware of it, it exists, particularly for me. Therefore, I will ultimately be on the path to where I need to go. I will always be on time, arriving exactly when I am meant to.

Just know that much, dear diary.

Posted in Amy Douangmany, Ariyah, Blog, Healing, Self Reflection, Travel

🌟  Dear Diary, With the clock striking 11:11 p.m., I make a wish,

a silent invocation for abundance and fulfillment, both material and emotional.

As the day transitions into the serene embrace of the night, the weather outside whispers of tranquility and possibility. Yet, within the confines of my mind, a storm brews, as if I have awakened with a predisposition towards conflict. Amidst the tumult of my thoughts, understanding feels elusive, like grasping at mist in the early morning light.

Nevertheless, I resign myself to the enigma, recognizing perhaps it’s akin to a bond, an intangible tether that binds me to the mysteries of my own psyche. Despite the uncertainty, there’s a sense of attachment, an invisible thread weaving through the fabric of existence, drawing me inexorably forward.

Anticipation swells within me like a rising tide. The prospect of travel ignites a spark of excitement, prompting me to commit wholeheartedly to my plans. Setting aside a substantial sum, I envision myself wandering the vibrant streets of Los Angeles, indulging in leisurely brunches, and witnessing the celestial ballet of sunrise and sunset, all while nestled with a book in hand, perhaps accompanied by a piña colada.

My gaze falls upon my temples, now more pronounced, a subtle reminder of the passage of time. Yet, in their prominence, I find a certain charm, reminiscent of a beloved figure—my grandfather—with his endearing dimples. Though frailty shadows his form, his spirit remains a beacon of admiration, a testament to resilience in the face of life’s adversities.

Reflecting on familial bonds, my thoughts drift to the unspoken burdens borne by mothers, grappling with the elusive pursuit of love amidst the chaos of life. While some may find solace in romantic fortunes, for others, such aspirations remain distant dreams, overshadowed by the weight of circumstance.

Glimmers of joy beckon like distant stars in the night sky. The prospect of a pilgrimage to Disney World fills me with childlike delight, while the allure of a simple yet elegant leaf necklace becomes a tangible goal, a symbol of personal indulgence amidst life’s demands.

Turning inward, I find solace in the rituals of self-care, a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. With each gentle caress of skincare, I find myself shielded from the ravages of time, a fortress against the inexorable march of age.

A somber note intrudes—a loved one, Ariyah, grappling with the cruel specter of cancer. Her battle became my own, a reminder of the fragility of life and the importance of empathy in the face of adversity.

As the night wears on, I eschew the trappings of makeup, reveling in the purity of bare skin. With the clock striking 11:11 p.m., I make a wish, a silent invocation for abundance and fulfillment, both material and emotional.

In this moment of reflection, I embrace the promise of the future, welcoming the unknown with open arms.