Category: Blog

Posted in Amy Douangmany, Ariyah, Blog, Healing, Self Reflection, Travel

🌟  Dear Diary, With the clock striking 11:11 p.m., I make a wish,

Posted on by Ms. Amy D

a silent invocation for abundance and fulfillment, both material and emotional.

As the day transitions into the serene embrace of the night, the weather outside whispers of tranquility and possibility. Yet, within the confines of my mind, a storm brews, as if I have awakened with a predisposition towards conflict. Amidst the tumult of my thoughts, understanding feels elusive, like grasping at mist in the early morning light.

Nevertheless, I resign myself to the enigma, recognizing perhaps it’s akin to a bond, an intangible tether that binds me to the mysteries of my own psyche. Despite the uncertainty, there’s a sense of attachment, an invisible thread weaving through the fabric of existence, drawing me inexorably forward.

Anticipation swells within me like a rising tide. The prospect of travel ignites a spark of excitement, prompting me to commit wholeheartedly to my plans. Setting aside a substantial sum, I envision myself wandering the vibrant streets of Los Angeles, indulging in leisurely brunches, and witnessing the celestial ballet of sunrise and sunset, all while nestled with a book in hand, perhaps accompanied by a piña colada.

My gaze falls upon my temples, now more pronounced, a subtle reminder of the passage of time. Yet, in their prominence, I find a certain charm, reminiscent of a beloved figure—my grandfather—with his endearing dimples. Though frailty shadows his form, his spirit remains a beacon of admiration, a testament to resilience in the face of life’s adversities.

Reflecting on familial bonds, my thoughts drift to the unspoken burdens borne by mothers, grappling with the elusive pursuit of love amidst the chaos of life. While some may find solace in romantic fortunes, for others, such aspirations remain distant dreams, overshadowed by the weight of circumstance.

Glimmers of joy beckon like distant stars in the night sky. The prospect of a pilgrimage to Disney World fills me with childlike delight, while the allure of a simple yet elegant leaf necklace becomes a tangible goal, a symbol of personal indulgence amidst life’s demands.

Turning inward, I find solace in the rituals of self-care, a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. With each gentle caress of skincare, I find myself shielded from the ravages of time, a fortress against the inexorable march of age.

A somber note intrudes—a loved one, Ariyah, grappling with the cruel specter of cancer. Her battle became my own, a reminder of the fragility of life and the importance of empathy in the face of adversity.

As the night wears on, I eschew the trappings of makeup, reveling in the purity of bare skin. With the clock striking 11:11 p.m., I make a wish, a silent invocation for abundance and fulfillment, both material and emotional.

In this moment of reflection, I embrace the promise of the future, welcoming the unknown with open arms.

Posted in Amy Douangmany, Blog, Romance, Self Reflection

🌎🎈🪡💘 🐳 Dear Diary, In my world, respect, trust, and honesty reign supreme

Posted on by Ms. Amy D

while chaos and uncertainty are banished to the shadows.

Yesterday morning, a torrent of emotions surged through my mind like a tempestuous sea. It’s a peculiar sensation, this incessant fixation on You, an unwelcome guest in the chambers of my thoughts. Yet, within this turmoil, a flicker of gratitude emerges, faint but undeniable. Our journey, fraught with trials and tribulations, unfolds like a worn-out tapestry, its threads frayed and faded, yet still clinging to a semblance of meaning.

It’s perplexing, really, how our perspectives diverge, unable to meet at a common vantage point. Everything appears hazy and indistinct, like the lingering remnants of a dream. What it is exactly, I cannot fathom, but its presence looms over me, casting shadows of uncertainty.

In the stillness of the night, a different narrative unfolds, weaving threads of introspection and revelation. The more we resist, the more entangled we become, ensnared in the very web we seek to escape. Love, once pursued with fervor, now eludes me like a fleeting shadow, its allure diminished by the weight of reality.

Vulnerability, a sacred offering bestowed upon the worthy, becomes a precarious tightrope walk between intimacy and insecurity. The struggle is real, the battle against mismatched desires and divergent paths, a perpetual dance of missed steps and misplaced beats.

Exhaustion settles like a heavy shroud, a testament to the relentless pursuit of productivity and fulfillment. The dichotomy of gendered emotions surfaces, challenging preconceived notions and societal norms. Love, a precious commodity, comes at a cost too steep to bear, its currency measured in heartache and disillusionment.

The prospect of growth, of embarking on new adventures untethered by the whims of others, fills me with anticipation. In my world, respect, trust, and honesty reign supreme, while chaos and uncertainty are banished to the shadows.

And yet, despite the chasm that separates us, a lingering sadness persists, a reminder of what could have been. The realization dawns like a bitter truth, casting a pall over my weary soul. In the depths of despair, a flicker of resilience remains, a testament to the indomitable spirit within.

In the quiet solitude of 3:05 AM, amidst the ebb and flow of emotions, a simple truth emerges. Sometimes, our favorite places change, just as our favorite people do, leaving us adrift in a sea of uncertainty.

Posted in Amy Douangmany, Blog, Healing, Self Reflection

🌻🥧☀️🌡📦 Dear Diary, The air carries a gentle warmth

Posted on by Ms. Amy D

inviting relaxation and a sense of serenity.

Under the radiant Sacramento sky, with temperatures soaring to a delightful 76 degrees, every moment feels like a blissful escape from the hustle and bustle of city life. The air carries a gentle warmth, inviting relaxation and a sense of serenity.

After completing my spring cleaning rituals, I carefully stow away my winter attire, making space for the vibrant array of floral summer dresses awaiting their moment in the sun.

It’s easy to overlook the subtle risks we face daily. As time drifts by, a sudden wave of dizziness washes over me, prompting a moment of confusion. Fatigue, hunger, or perhaps mere exhaustion crosses my mind, but the sensation persists, hinting at something more serious. With a cautious resolve, I rise from my seat and make my way to the door, eager to escape the stifling heat of the sauna.

While saunas offer a myriad of health benefits, including detoxification, it’s crucial to acknowledge the delicate balance between indulgence and overexertion. Like any indulgence, an excess of sauna time can lead to overheating and even fainting, underscoring the importance of moderation in all aspects of life.

Reflecting on this, I’m reminded of the universal truth that too much of anything, be it water, affection, or selflessness, can have detrimental effects. As I yearn for a tranquil environment to simply exist, I’m reminded of the necessity of maintaining equilibrium and prioritizing self-care.

Posted in Amy Douangmany, Blog, Healing, Self Reflection

🐱🍞🧀🥑🧋Dear Diary, No one talks about what happens

Posted on by Ms. Amy D

when the adrenaline of survival fades away.

In the stillness of 1:38 AM, when the world is hushed and the chaos of survival subsides, a rare moment emerges for contemplation. Here, in this silent sanctuary, the floodgates of grief open, allowing for reflection upon the mishandlings of the past. Perspectives shift as the harsh realities come into focus, urging a more pragmatic outlook.

No one talks about what happens when the adrenaline of survival fades away. Let me shed light on it. In the tranquility of silence, I find space to grieve and ponder the mishandling of situations. It’s in these moments that my perspective shifts, prompting a more grounded and realistic understanding of things.

The pursuit of personal fulfillment becomes the demands of others, leading to the systematic dismantling of one’s security, stability, and happiness. Countless battles waged silently, hidden from the world’s gaze, met with indifference or hostility from those who wish to see defeat rather than resilience.

There were countless moments when I felt defeated, yet no one knew the struggles I faced. It seemed like others were rooting for my failure, unable to bear the idea of my success. I struggle to understand why we can’t support each other and strive for the best together. I believe in divine timing—what’s meant for you will come to you. If you’re sincere and dedicated, obstacles won’t hinder your path to success.

I link my Bluetooth to the Harmon Kardon speaker and cue up music from my Amazon Likes playlist. While my little chefs prepare breakfast, I attend to the household chores, folding blankets into makeshift beds. The laughter of children in the kitchen—offers a fleeting respite from the storm. The weather is lovely, prompting me to open the blinds and sliding door to let in the fresh air. However, my gaze falls upon my cat’s cage outside, a lingering reminder of a task I’ve been struggling to complete. I hope to dismantle it soon and rid myself of its presence.

A visit to the temple, Wat Phosiesattanak, in hopes of encountering my father, only to find he has already departed, brings a sense of belonging, a connection to heritage and community. I tuned in with the familiar sights and sounds. Nevertheless, we indulge in Thai tea and cultural foods, relishing the sense of belonging among familiar faces. This is as connected as I’ll ever be with anyone, just the surface level. Can’t go deep because I don’t want to get caught up in the whirlwind. On the surface level, I can satisfy my needs for H2O, Vitamin D, and Vitamin Me.

Posted in Akira, Amy Douangmany, Blog, Healing, parenting, Self Reflection

🦋🥛🎡🌄📷 Dear Diary, Today unfolded as a day of introspection and gratitude.

Posted on by Ms. Amy D

Despite grappling with the challenges of aging,

I found solace in the inner peace and youthful spirit that still resided within me. Though my body and mind may undergo changes, I’ve come to accept and embrace the natural progression of life. In a society fixated on concealing signs of aging through cosmetic means, I advocate for a different approach – one that prioritizes inner contentment and confidence.

Reflecting on my influence on others, I’m humbled by the impact I’ve had on those around me, particularly my loved ones who witness both the highs and lows of my journey. Their appreciation for my outlook on life, characterized by a pursuit of peace, love, and happiness, fills me with gratitude.

The morning brought simple joys as I sat with my daughters, planning breakfast and engaging in a round of card games. Through these activities, I seized the opportunity to impart valuable lessons to my children, teaching them about memory, patience, and the acceptance of both success and failure.

Amidst the rush of daily routines, a tender moment with my youngest daughter, Akira, reminded me of the beauty in simplicity. As I helped my youngest daughter out of the shower and dressed her, we both applied lotion. She looked up at me and uttered those precious words, “Mom, your face looks pretty.” Her heartfelt compliment, one she shares with me often, never fails to touch my heart. It’s a simple gesture that reminds me of the beauty found in the everyday moments of motherhood. Her genuine compliment about my appearance, delivered with innocence and sincerity, touched me deeply. Despite my disheveled state, her words reaffirmed the unconditional love we share.

The experience of using Google often stirs up a range of emotions within me, particularly when old memories resurface – whether they’re from 14 years ago, six years ago, or nine years ago. Recently, I found myself delving into a trove of photos, prompting me to share them with friends. Among those recipients was my best friend, Bao Nguyen Lee, from childhood, with whom I exchanged heartfelt text messages, expressing my deep appreciation for our enduring friendship. It’s moments like these that remind me of the value of lifelong connections and the importance of acknowledging the bonds that have shaped my journey. As I expressed gratitude for her unwavering support, I marveled at the bond shared among us, united by the journey of motherhood and the trials of life.

Overwhelmed by emotions, I found myself immersed in memories and nostalgia, spurred by glimpses of the past through old photographs.

Lately, I’ve been busy crafting meal plans and tackling errands, but I’ve come to realize that these tasks are integral parts of life’s journey. It’s not solely about reaching specific destinations; rather, it’s about embracing the experiences woven into each day – from preparing meals to running errands. Alongside these daily routines, I find joy in sharing the wisdom I’ve accumulated with my loved ones, witnessing their growth and vitality. As I navigate the process of aging, I welcome the evolution of my mindset, ever hopeful that I’ll continue to grow and adapt to life’s ever-changing circumstances.

A glimmer of hope emerged as I contemplated the possibility of finding a true companion – a confidant who understands and accepts me unconditionally. Beyond mere romance, I yearn for a connection rooted in genuine understanding and mutual respect, a bond that transcends the passage of time.

In these moments of reflection, I am reminded of the richness of life’s tapestry, woven with threads of love, friendship, and personal growth. As I continue on this journey, I remain hopeful for the enduring companionship and meaningful connections that lie ahead.

Posted in Amy Douangmany, Blog, Healing, Self Reflection

🚿 💭 🛌 ❤️‍🩹💇🏻‍♀️ Dear Diary, In a moment of clarity, a realization dawned upon me,

Posted on by Ms. Amy D

and with a resolute decision, I determined that a transformation was necessary—a shedding of the old self to embrace the new.

Though I remain adorned with wisdom, knowledge, kindness, goodness, self-awareness, and accountability, I yearned for a fresh iteration of myself.

As I stood beneath the cascading water of the shower, time seemed to stretch infinitely, each droplet washing away the remnants of my former self. With meticulous care, I attended to my grooming, a ritual of self-care and renewal. It became apparent that when my external appearance faltered, my inner state followed suit, leaving me feeling less than my best.

Days spent confined to the sanctuary of my bed revealed the interconnectedness of physical and emotional well-being. Each ache of the body mirrored the pains of the heart, amplifying the urgency of my quest for transformation. In the solace of introspection, I recognized the necessity of nurturing both body and soul to achieve harmony and fulfillment in the journey towards self-discovery.

Posted in Amy Douangmany, Blog

🍃🧖‍♀️📚 🌧 🌈Dear Diary, I will wait…

Posted on by Ms. Amy D

I will wait for you because you are always going to be worth the wait.

It is Sunday and I am commencing off this month with gratitude and rejuvenation. A lot has transpired in the past many months and the weather is shifting. When you step outside, you can feel the breeze that passes through. My heart is astounded with affection and appreciation. I continue to pray for those that I care for, near and far, even if we don’t speak any longer or there’s ongoing distance including unforeseen detachments. I pray for everyone to take it a day at a time, your mental well-being and physical health are worth more than any acquaintance, connection, and or occupation. It’s okay to prioritize your needs and put up boundaries for your own sanity.

I am lying on my stomach, face entirely buried into a cushion in the presence of my first male masseuse. He is using a body scrub on me going from head to toe which is followed up with a full body massage. I feel tranquil. I wish there was a way to purify my mind of these unending contemplations. To make it less awkward, I engaged in light dialogue. As his hands press on my skin and he applies compression, I feel unconstructive energy exit my body. In this very moment, I feel inevitable and remind myself that self-care and solitude allow me to reset my thoughts and prepare myself for life’s constant encounters.

My masseuse shared with me that his line of work has pros and cons but I want to emphasize the con(s) associated with his field of work. He shared with me that people come to these spa sessions for various reasons which stress as the reason can be less obvious. He proceeds to share that during these sessions, there is always an exchange of energy. While the massage therapist is removing bad energy, he is exposed to his clients’ energy shift/exchange and it does impact his mood on a circumstantial basis if his clients are stressed or unhappy. I left my session that afternoon with a moment of clarity. I keep this information close to my heart as I distance myself from the world from time to time.

It rained briefly yesterday as I headed into the library to pick up some new releases to read. My favorite genre is romance but I love page-turners and mystery but rather watch those genres instead of reading them. I enjoy reading about affection and passion because the novelists do a remarkable job putting those feelings or “capturing the moment” exceptionally well using words without graphics. I find that to be an exceedingly dexterous gift as I enjoy interpretation, literature, and using my imagination.

It has been storming in my life here and there, on some days there’s light rain and if I get lucky enough, a rainbow may appear, but both rain and rainbow don’t stay long. Sometimes it needs to rain as the rain can be used to strengthen our roots and to remind us that life is about developing and improving so without rain every once in a while, there’s no growth or progression.

I’ve had my share of losses and I’ve mastered the ability to not be attached to things but also people because you don’t really own anything or have any control over any person. People aren’t meant to always be there or part of your entire journey and material things cannot be taken with you when your time is up. I saw a video where a mortician spoke about how she worked at funerals for over 6 years; she shared that even when you are gone, people will still talk about you, good and bad, on that same day too. It’s just the reality of life. So do what you need to do for yourself, don’t let the opinions of others affect you.

As I find myself back in motion, I am finding the courage to change my environment on a daily basis. I don’t want to lose the opportunity to be present with the people who actually love me and are rooting for me consistently without conditions. Instead of looking for answers or closure, I give my focus to healing and accepting that I don’t ever wish to control the future or change the past. The setbacks are just opportunities for us to bounce back. If you are not willing to fail, then you’re never going to succeed because failure is literally part of the process. Be kind to everyone, you never know what they are going through, we all are going through things.

When you get here, I will be more healed and continue to heal. I will welcome you back with open arms; not just parts of you; ALL of you. I want love. I want friendship. I want business partners and a team of powerful people who are emotionally, mentally, and intellectually strong; therefore I will be everything that I want to attract. I am waiting for ME, the best possible version of myself that is so powerful and worthy of honest and genuine connections.

SHE, in her most rectified and authentic state, will always be worth the wait. I am her, she is ME.

Posted in Amy Douangmany, Blog, parenting

🤮✍️🦋🌬🧸 Dear Diary,  I’m hoping my writer’s block is gone.

Posted on by Ms. Amy D

My mind has been racing and I have never wanted to do a brain dump so badly. After 2 failed attempts at writing last night, I gave up and like Beyoncé to Hova, I shined like a star. Sometimes people don’t understand that just because we lost the last game, we’re not ultimately at a loss. That’s never the case. As long as you’re alive, you can get back in the game anytime. I was on a winning streak and whoever was on my team couldn’t hold up, that’s all. It’s okay, I got you, and I’ll try to hold it down for you. When you lose, we lose, remember that and vice versa. You can try to remain undefeated but every player has his or her limits. You just have to take a break, rest, recover and come back when you’re ready don’t push yourself too hard.

This is my first time coming to the gym so late. I guess it’s a single living thing, I’ve been in such long-term relationships that all ended with engagements but there’s no white dress, yet. The time currently reads 8:56 PST. It feels good to be here. I wanted to dip in the jacuzzi and let my body reap the benefits of this gym membership but I can’t seem to find any of my many swimsuits. I didn’t anticipate that the weather and my needs would change so drastically. At one point my goal was to find true love and get married this year, now I just sit and laugh. I’m re-prioritizing my goals in life.

When I picked up my daughter from a long weekend at her dad’s, she seemed to be feeling well. Her eyes had a sparkle in them, she made eye contact with me and held it. She completely adores me and I love her with all my heart. I wanted her to grow up with both parents but we’re going down separate paths and doing our best to appreciate life apart with a new approach. Some things are inevitable. Communication is key but no matter how strong you or both of you may be, connections die and sometimes you’re no longer in alignment. Complicated is an understatement.

By 3:00 am I woke up to her crying and after giving her multiple reassurances to go back to sleep something seemed off. I later discovered that she had some kind of stomach bug over the weekend. When I turned on the lights, I realized that she vomited all over her bedding and was very uncomfortable.

Unlike men who can vomit loudly, abruptly and not to mention violently, children’s vomit is fairly quiet and in short, unfair. Again, I’ve had my share of many things in life. As an advocate and mother of a toddler who was diagnosed with ATRT brain cancer at age 22 months, I cleaned a lot of bodily fluids.

It may sound like a chore, but it wasn’t because when you love someone unconditionally, especially your child,  you don’t think about yourself. You only think about them. What can I do to make my child feel safer, more secure, and better? It’s simple, just like what we look for in relationships nowadays. We look for reassurance, understanding, help when we’re sick, and zero judgments. Love.

I cleaned her up, sanitized her hands, face and removed all of the contaminated bedding, and laid her back down to rest. My poor child, I would exchange places with her if that were ever an option. I lay in bed and felt awful. My mind tried to jog back to when my dear Ariyah was sick, damn- we live in a cruel and unpredictable world. Everything was copacetic, who would have thought an illness could get out of hand and change our lives in the blink of an eye?

I redirected myself to rest but it was impossible. I lay there, listening to the sounds of the rain on my Alexa echo dot. Baby girl comes in, she declares that she needs to brush her teeth. I helped her rinse her mouth instead, my previous research highly advised against brushing her teeth after vomiting because you might contaminate her enamel with bacteria. Please confirm, I’m not a professional and I still brush my teeth post vomiting, twice if that helps.

To have to hold a job, pay for everything on your own without any support, and strive to maintain a certain lifestyle and family dynamic is something I make look so easy. I barely get 5 hours of sleep sometimes. I have grown to enjoy life as it is. So many people aren’t comfortable with who they are and they haven’t gone through the healing process after experiencing a multitude of trauma. I’ve had my share of life changes and readjustments since March last year and it feels like it’s just life’s karma. I keep my head up and I cry at times because it does get overwhelming but I have never been happier at the end of the day to be a mother to all of my children including my slightly estranged stepchildren.

A wave of nausea hit her, she showed signs of panic and anxiety. As the feeling tried to convert into actions, she grew upset and hit her stomach. My heart broke. My sweetheart, my dear child. I grabbed the empty waste bin and encouraged her to “spit” it out. I continued to tell her that it was okay and that I will help her. She cried. I pulled her into my arms and gave her a big hug and gently kissed her forehead. I cleaned her up and by 4:00 am, she fell asleep, she couldn’t hold down much water and was exhausted. I stayed up until my girls started waking up for school at 5:45 am.

Life is worth living, I don’t want to miss out on my children’s growth. I have always wanted a large family. I recall being in a girl’s group back in high school, we circled each other ate our lunches chatting, and asked questions about our “future”. One of which the question was how many children we wanted, and my answer was 6. My children will forever have my heart, my guidance, and my support. I’m so blessed and grateful to have them in my life. They continue to fill the void in my heart, and their innocence keeps me optimistic, loving, and nurturing.

I have finished my cycling, so it’s time to wrap up this blog entry by giving recognition to those who are parents as well as those who have and don’t have parents. In general, everyone is inclusive. You are doing great, I’m proud of you. Life isn’t easy, keep your head up, change is constant, and keep pushing forward. Nothing- the good, the bad, the stillness- none of these moments are permanent. Stay optimistic, what’s yours in life will come to you when it’s your turn. Timing is everything. Be patient, keep loving, keep healing, and live a life without judgment. ✨️ Good night, sweet dreams.

Posted in Amy Douangmany, Blog, parenting

👩‍🍳🐈🍳🍚🌧 Dear Diary, The rainy weather hits differently, it makes me miss someone.

Posted on by Ms. Amy D

Brace yourself because we’re taking a trip back to 6 years, 5 months ago. October 27, 2016.

Riya’s body is feverish and I’m about 2 months post-c-section welcoming another addition to the family, at that time, that was my youngest and my last. But, I eventually brought one more child into the world. That morning I was exhausted. My partner, lover, and friend could barely get up and go to work. A man, a real man, has to provide for his family and we were indeed a family. He says, “Daddy loves you” and moments later I can faintly feel the door close behind him as he made his way out.

I found the Tylenol and gave 5mls to Riya and laid back down to sleep. My body is still recovering and given the fact that I was crying for over 8 hours the day before. On that day, I received the most horrific news I could ever hear and it changed my life too soon.

After spending… time. We cried a lot. Riya was very sick, the day before our departure from Lake Tahoe where we stayed in the mansion overlooking the water, funded by the Ami Brown Club, we noticed Riya’s stomach couldn’t hold food and my heart broke. It was so painful, my heart could explode from my chest feeling the pain I did as a mother. Why. Why does a child, any child, have to go through this?

Riya had it. Of 1,000,000 children under age 3, she was that one. She was diagnosed with ATRT brain cancer on April 22, 2015. Her prognosis was 15% but they were being generous, the realistic prognosis was more like 5% with her life span automatically being shortened to 2 weeks or less depending on when the diagnosis was made.

Here we are, in bed together. Dad had left for work and I hear the doorbell ring. I couldn’t get up, my incision area was still in a lot of pain and the Norcos helped me get by but had me feeling drowsy. I didn’t want to be rude so I called her, she was from hospice. I apologized for missing her at the door and told her I need to rest and Ariyah needs to rest, she was very tired.

I hung up, looked at Ariyah and I woke up. My world shook as I tried to put her on my lap and held her in my arms. I immediately started to search for her pulse. I was panicking and breathing hard, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t feel her pulse or hear it because I was feeling hopeless. There it was, I felt her breath on me.

Ariyah did take her last breath in my arms that morning. I called the nurse and cried my soul out, she was heading back to me. All to just pronounce that my daughter has departed and is in a better place.

What does any parent do in this circumstance? I didn’t know but I expressed myself through tears and silence. I was immediately surrounded by family who offered their condolences and support before I realized it. It was a quiet day, it was cold, in October of 2016.

Transportation arrived after nearly 6 or 8 hours, it was time to have her picked up and she was very fragile.

Mom escorted while Dad carried Ariyah to the vehicle. And then, thunder and lightning flashed and it felt like heaven herself was crying and mourning with us. We had such a lengthy and, heart-quenching journey that we haven’t been able to navigate through these pains together. It rained. It poured. The home was filled with family, so we both excused ourselves. My parents immediately began hosting a wake for their granddaughter. Finally, we’re away, from everyone. We were crying, no words. There were no words worth speaking and for a moment, we felt defeated, our hearts had been crushed

Today it’s raining right now. Earlier today, I received a call from SMUD alerting me regarding the flood and to be prepared. I know these storms are real but I don’t mind entertaining the idea of struggling. Why not? I feel like I’ve struggled a good amount in my life, there are many more painful experiences that I have endured but this one is instilled in me. For life.

Without a doubt, I’m a bit more on the emotional side as of late. The sounds of the rain help me sleep, but the feel of it falling on me and me seeing and feeling it, hurts me, a lot. I started my second dinner before writing my blog and I’m now washing it down with a Sunkist strawberry lemonade soda. Life is short, I want to enjoy these foods and beverages and do my best to maintain good health, good skin, and most importantly, a good heart. That’s it, that’s enough for me. I just want to enjoy life, and feel alive and that is why I’m grateful today. I have yet another day to be better, to love, to live, and to learn.

Whenever you need me, remember, if you have my number, pick up the phone and call me. Phone or fone- in Thai and Lao, means rain. You’re welcome. ☔️

Posted in Blog

🧠🫀👸🎂🍤 Dear Diary, I don’t fear the unknown at all, I always knew what to expect since day one.

Posted on by Ms. Amy D

I have an angel baby in my life, this year she would have turned 10. My oldest daughter turned 11 years old today. I’m at an age that contradicts my physical appearance but age is just a number.

I made reservations for us today but upon her request, they were canceled. That’s my daughter. Humble. She can be a lot but she is always worth it, she wanted to have a crab boil and lots of shrimp so I delivered.

Intuition. I always listen to HER and it seems as if SHE never brings me good news. At a glance, she is a destroyer of dreams, peace, and assurance. Like a tsunami, she comes in and destroys everything within hindsight. She washes it away and here I stand, stronger than ever. Still alive. Ready to rebuild, yet, again. Home is a feeling, that’s it.

I only knew of commitment, longevity, loyalty, and tenderness, and yet I entered a dangerous world by choice and I’m learning each day that the heart is fragile. I will never settle for less.

Love is what keeps us going. My heart gets flooded with feelings of determination on the mornings I’m driving my girls to school and childcare. I take care of my little girls because I love them, without conditions.

I’m excited about my trips this year. I am focused on elevating every aspect and experience in my life. I will eventually find someone to accompany me or vice versa where we complement each other in all aspects.

My daughter called me to check in on me before going to bed, I wished her a happy birthday once more. I can still hear the melody of our cousins singing happy birthday slightly off-sync, then the room goes dark after the candles are blown out.

The darkness lasted for a very short period and that is what it is in life. Darkness can only stay as long as you allow it or welcome it. Such darkness can take away the quality of your life as long as you allow it. So, turn the lights on. Don’t let the darkness consume you, have faith that these waves and these bursts of darkness are acts of faith, all to protect you from bad energy. Only the strong would be able to withstand such storms or darkness.

We all get to choose light, just know that we both can have our lights on at the same time. Yours can be bright but eventually, you’ll want something dimmable. Our life changes are constant, just know that my lights will stay on. I am surrounded by love and that light shines brighter than anything.

Thank you to everyone who’s been giving me ongoing love and support, I’m beyond grateful for you all. I’ve drawn some healthy boundaries for me, for you, for us and I hope we can just live in our light. However, if it ever gets too dark and you need a little bit more light, I got you. I’m solid.

🐝 Seeing you growing and glowing through time is enough purpose for me to keep loving, giving, and accepting the never-ending demands in life. This 10th Chapter is officially closed. Over and out.