Author: Ms. Amy D

The woman who does not require validation from anyone is the most feared individual on the planet.
Posted in Akira, Amy Douangmany, Ariyah, Blog, Healing, Malynah, Maylana, Self Reflection

💝💭🫀🐅🐾 Dear Diary, There is something incredibly beautiful

Posted on by Ms. Amy D

about being a woman, especially a mother to daughters.

It feels like such a special, almost magical connection to share a similar energy with them. And if you’re lucky, like me, to be a girly girl yourself, surrounded by women who are the same—your mom, your kids, your sisters—it feels like an endless thread of experiences and conversations. There’s always something to talk about, something to bond over. I think it’s so amazing how women can connect like that. If life weren’t weighed down by all its stresses, I feel like we could be even more connected, as human beings should be. But the way society is structured sometimes causes challenges for people, especially those less fortunate. It creates these divides, placing people on different levels of life instead of seeing everyone as equals. The best way I can explain it is by looking at tax brackets—such a clear example of how people are categorized and separated.

I’m also really proud of myself because I made it through my first week of a caffeine detox. I know the advice out there is to ease into it and not quit cold turkey, but that’s exactly what I did. I guess I don’t always like to go with the flow. Sometimes I feel like going against the grain is important. It’s about experiencing something for yourself, even if it’s tough, so you have a story to share, a lesson learned. It gives you a unique perspective, like, “This is why it’s hard, but here’s what I gained from it.” I think there’s something beautiful about taking a different path, even when it’s the harder one, because it shows courage and bravery. It highlights how different we can be from one another, and that’s what makes us special.

Today, I’m feeling really good, almost emotional in a way that brings tears to my eyes. I’ve been feeling so disconnected from the people I love the most in life, especially my mom, my sisters, and even my dad. Life has a way of pulling us in different directions, but the friends I’ve made along the way—they’ve been my steady anchors, always within reach. My family, too, even when we drift apart. I think it’s normal to go on our own journeys for a while, but what matters is that we always find our way back to each other. That bond will always be there.

Life is full of ups and downs, but I truly believe that if you look for the good, you’ll always find it, no matter how tough things get. Even when chaos and obstacles come your way, the journey is the journey. And no matter what, I know I’ll get to where I’m meant to be.

Posted in Amy Douangmany

Dear Diary, I hope it’s not too late.

Posted on by Ms. Amy D


I hope there’s still time for me to pour into myself the way I’ve always poured into others. I’ve spent so much time understanding and prioritizing everyone else, but I’m starting to see how vital it is to invest in myself too. I can’t keep filling others’ cups while mine runs dry. So, now is the time for me to replenish, hydrate, and take care of myself. There’s so much going on, and I want to be prepared. I want to be at my best, able to give fully, but only after I’ve taken good care of myself.

Lately, I’ve been finding peace in nature, reflecting on how I can show appreciation and gratitude for the people in my life who contribute to my success and well-being. I understand that it’s no one’s job to save me, just as it’s not my job to save others. I have to take time to hold myself close, comfort myself, and remember the younger version of me who dreamed so big for her future.

That young girl wanted so much—to be the woman who might one day cry in her Mercedes. And even though they say it’s better to cry in a Mercedes than not, I know that regardless of the luxury around me, I’ve achieved more than most. I aim to reach the top 1% of the world because I believe that’s where I belong. As I connect with more people, I realize there’s a shortage of individuals who have emotional intelligence, accountability, independence, or even basic common sense. Despite my efforts to be self-aware and emotionally intelligent, I’m human, too, and I can find fault in myself. I won’t be so hard on myself anymore because I recognize that I’m doing so much better than many.

I feel like I’m manifesting only good things in my life, and I’m grateful for the direction I’m heading. This is the most uncomfortable stage I’ve ever been in, and as things continue to unfold and fall into place, I pray for the strength and wisdom that have carried me through so much—from my daughter’s cancer diagnosis to moving out of my parents’ house, to enduring various experiences as a child. I’ve grown through so many versions of myself, and my vision keeps evolving for that future me I’m striving to become.

As terrifying as it can be to discover what’s going on in the “real” world and with the people I love, I remain resilient and positive. I refuse to let moments of vulnerability or where I am currently in life define who I am or what I’m capable of achieving in the future. I just hope that no matter what happens, no matter how time seems to slow down or speed up, I continue to see the good—not just in myself but in the others. I want to be kinder as well as less harsh on myself and allow myself to absorb and process things slowly over time.

I’ve been dragging certain things out, trying to put depth and thought into every decision. But now, it’s time to execute. It’s time to stop putting others before myself. I hope I continue to choose me, even though it’s been challenging because of the heart I have. I trust that the world will guide me, and I’m optimistic about all the good things that will come.

Posted in Amy Douangmany

🛍👠🥨📲🪫Dear Diary, I think it’s amazing being a girl

Posted on by Ms. Amy D

especially when it comes to retail therapy.

There I stood with a bunch of items in hand. I am in Zara, waiting in line, and I’m just people-watching, taking note of everyone’s individual style and taste. It’s fascinating how many factors contribute to what makes us unique as individuals.

It feels nice to get out and do some retail therapy. There’s something about having something new to use or wear that keeps life meaningful in a sense.

I successfully purchased some new earrings, new rings, a couple of outfits, and a new pair of heels. So far, so good. Life will only get better in time.

I can’t believe how fast today went by, and my day tomorrow is already filling up.

There’s something about making a call to someone. If the person on the other line feels like your phone calls give them anxiety, stress them out, or are simply unwanted and / or disruptive, then maybe the calls need to stop.

I’ve never really been a phone call or text person unless I’m very interested in someone and that energy is reciprocated. It’s rare, and as social as I can be, my social battery has limits. I think I’m just going to fall back now. I like the peace that comes with my solitude. Before I found anyone to confide in, I was absolutely okay with navigating through life without any support. I made mistakes along the way and will continue to make mistakes, and I’m okay with that.

I don’t understand why things have to be so complicated or why people have to pass judgment so much and so often. I don’t even understand why I tolerated it for so long. My tolerance for this kind of energy is finally going to make a full stop. I can not afford for people to continue passing their judgments on me when they have no idea about the struggles I’m dealing with in my life at any given time.

At any given time, I’m making decisions that I feel are the best option, considering whatever is going on in my life. They may not be perfect decisions, but sometimes I have to make decisions to get results or handle certain things.

I’m focused on my life more than anything right now, doing what I need to do. In doing so, I’m finally realizing that I need  to act accordingly and respect myself.

So it begins.

Posted in Amy Douangmany, Blog, Self Reflection

🎟🎮🌁🚘⏰️ Dear Diary, a realization dawned on me.

Posted on by Ms. Amy D

It’s true: the tables do turn.

I’ve gained enough clarity on some things about life, and it’s safe to say that life goes on and it will indeed get better if you leave some of your baggage behind. My future remains dependent on the steps that I take to get there. Just don’t ignore the opportunities that come knocking on your door.

Sometimes, they turn really fast, and other times, it’s as if they are moving in slow motion. But regardless of the speed, the tables are always turning.

Being on this side of the field has made me realize some things. It has made me understand that the trust you give out is incredibly valuable. If you trust the wrong people, it can be devastating because you gave them something so precious.

I often wonder if trust comes before love or if love precedes trust. It feels like trust is usually the first thing we offer before we decide to start loving someone, be it romantic or not.

The key to getting in is pending delivery. Once you have it, you might want to pay attention because getting in will take you to many places, and it’s not for the faint of heart for some. Perhaps it will give you access to information, networks, and involvement in various opportunities. When these opportunities come up, take them. Not often will you get something so special delivered into your life, offering you more clarity.

Posted in Amy Douangmany, Blog, Self Reflection

🍃🍨🌃🎀🧩 Dear Diary, People seem to not understand

Posted on by Ms. Amy D

that honesty and credibility are everything.

Tonight is an amazing night. Dinner was delicious, and now I’m taking a light late-night cruise, just to get to a point where I can get out and get some fresh air. On my mind tonight are some very humbling thoughts. It finally makes sense to me why I’ve always worked really hard and wanted to have luxury things, especially a luxury car—a Mercedes, in particular. My car has always been like a friend to me, taking me from place to place, from job to job, from home to home.

I feel like I’m moving in a very good direction in my life right now. I have a lot of support and many opportunities, and I want to remain humble. I may not always be in a Mercedes, plus a car is just a car. We’re not always going to have the nicest and most luxurious things. Sometimes, we might have them, but they may need to be in the shop or whatever. Not everything in life is permanent; certain things are temporary, just like this vehicle, I’m driving tonight. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter because life is about adjusting to changes, adapting, and learning how to survive. It’s about being grateful for every single thing.

As I continue through life, I hope to remain very humble, always grateful, treating people with love and respect, and being as honest as possible. In the world we live in, people seem to not understand that honesty and credibility are everything. Over time, you realize that the consequences of being dishonest and having malicious intentions toward others are not worth it. I’m very excited about the goals I’m setting for myself as I navigate through different situations that are beyond challenging and stressful at times.

Tonight is going to be a memorable night for me because I’ve found it in my heart that not everything is going to work out in life, and whatever is meant to be will be. When I had my phone call with my mother and sister today, I realized I am a very loyal person. I will always be loyal to those who are there for me, who try to give me support, love, and understanding, and who learn how to forgive. One of those people is my dad. It’s hard being a parent, working to provide for your children, giving them Christmas gifts, birthday gifts, and taking them on trips and outings. Whatever happens after a divorce or separation, it shouldn’t affect your relationship with your parents. They may have tried to make the relationship work, but it didn’t, and that’s okay. We have to forgive our parents for enduring the struggles of maintaining a relationship. I hope my children understand that in life, nothing is permanent. People die every day, relationships end, and it’s okay. Everything happens for a reason. If someone is meant to be in your life, no one can take that person away. If someone isn’t meant to be part of your life for long, ultimately they will take their exit when that time comes so stay detached from the idea that people won’t leave, because they do for various reasons outside of death or change of heart. It doesn’t mean they are bad people; they’re just not meant to be in your life anymore.

This is the mentality I am adopting moving forward. I need to think bigger. Everything that has happened, even the bad things, was supposed to happen so I could learn from those mistakes. I have to learn how to forgive myself, even though it sometimes hurts. Everything else is just part of life. I’m trying to find ways not to stress anymore. I’m trying to rest more, think more, and do whatever it takes to make life easier for me. At the end of the day, I can’t rely on others to take care of me. I have to take care of myself. As long as I can take care of and love myself, I can take care of and love others. To give to others—whether it’s love, time, or attention—it starts with yourself. I’m starting to understand the saying “you have to love yourself” in different ways as life continues to happen to me.

So, as I drive tonight, I’m going to enjoy my music, enjoy the company of my kids, and hope that each and every day moving forward, things in my life continue to get better. I’m going to continue to add happiness and value to my life and make sure my kids are taken care of. There’s nothing more important to me than being a mom in this lifetime.

I think that’s the beauty of it. If you keep trying to understand why certain things keep happening in your life and find a way to learn from them, instead of taking it personal, you’ll thrive. You won’t let the obstacles and challenges in life make you feel defeated or discouraged. There’s so much in life that I’m looking forward to: so many experiences, places, and different intricate desserts and meals I want to try. I want to breathe different kinds of air, visit different beaches and deserts, and have the experiences I’ve always wanted since I was young. I want a luxurious lifestyle, but I’m willing to work for it. I believe that everything I’ve been through in my life is leading me to those opportunities. Whatever happens, I will continue to try and not ever give up. I will continue to be honest. There is a lot of power in staying honest and not giving up, in just hanging on and continually trying over and over again and continuously learning.

Posted in Amy Douangmany, Blog, Healing, Self Reflection

🌁🖼🎨🎻🪫Dear Diary, Life can only be appreciated when you focus

Posted on by Ms. Amy D

on giving negative issues less attention.

At the end of the day, we have to remember that we entered this world at the exact time and date we were supposed to. When our time comes to an end, we’ll take our exit at whatever time and date that’s destined. Adopting the mindset that I was meant to come into this world alone, go through everything alone, and leave alone has given me a clearer perspective on how to see the world.

It’s so important to navigate different circumstances, obstacles, and challenges with grace, hope, and wisdom. Ultimately, these qualities are the key to protecting your peace, setting boundaries, and creating the life you want to live. I realize I could have been more firm with my boundaries in the past. Setting clear boundaries is something I’ve been making progress on.

Life can only be appreciated when you focus on giving negative issues less attention and continuing to pour love into yourself, forgiving yourself, and accepting that not everything is within our control. We’re all living for the first time and trying to heal from various things in our lives. I’m hopeful that everything that has happened to me was meant to happen, and I will triumph through the good and the bad.

Sometimes, it means minimizing trauma to face value. But in my personal time, when it’s appropriate, I allow myself to fully process and heal from those traumas. People might not understand that I don’t have the leisure or luxury to maximize my traumas due to the responsibilities I carry in my life. The way that I process my feelings and evaluate the events in my life are for me to understand and is ultimately my responsibility in where the opinions of others are just merely that, opinions.

I hope we can be good to each other because life is short. If things could be simplified, we could all benefit collectively from better communication, understanding, and empathy. I hope these days of feeling this way will eventually stop so I can finally breathe and face controversy without fear.

My concerns and intentions to address my concerns are genuine and valid. I’m just trying to get through life with the people I want to spend it with—my children, a few friends, and family. It is a very small, tight-knit circle that’s mostly inaccessible. I will always love those who love and support me.

I pray that I am continuously protected, time after time, again and again.  I aspire for that day to come where I’m able to feel safe existing and being my authentic self. I look forward to focusing on the little things that matter to me. Right now, nothing matters more than my kids. That’s all that matters to me then, now and will forever always be through this lifetime of mine.

Posted in Amy Douangmany, Healing, Self Reflection

💝💭🦋🧭💤Dear Diary, I am ready to keep showing up for myself

Posted on by Ms. Amy D

and setting whatever boundaries I need to set so that I can set the tone for the lifestyle that I want.

Today, I’m taking it easy. I’ve been really hard on myself to the point where I’ve finally allowed my body to sleep for extreme amounts of hours, exceeding the minimum requirement of five or six hours. That sleep was probably the best I’ve had all year. As things continue to unfold in life, whether they are opportunities or challenges, I’m just letting them come and go as they need to and dealing with everything accordingly.

Now, I have a little bit of time to unleash some thoughts. I wanted to share that these next thoughts stem from a video clip I just saw of a couple finally being blessed with a baby. One of the things we need to understand is that we are all capable of being blessed with amazing opportunities and gifts in this lifetime. It’s just that we don’t know when these opportunities will present themselves.

This is my first time living and going through these experiences that are tailored based on all the decisions I’ve made up until this point. I just pray that I am being watched over by my angels, that my intuition and spiritual being continue to guide me and give me the divine timing to make the right decisions, if and when these times come and those decisions need to be made.

I am ready to keep showing up for myself and setting whatever boundaries I need to set so that I can set the tone for the lifestyle that I want, especially when it comes to the peace, structure, and stability of the remaining years that I have. I am a true believer that life is really short, and what we have today can be taken away from us in the blink of an eye. Even your own home.

There are a lot of people in the world with morals, and there are people with none. So, while you exist today, just know that everything and anything can be taken away from you if you aren’t careful. If you don’t have emotional intelligence and awareness, you can easily become a victim to anyone or any entity at any time.
Just don’t take anything personally and keep having faith that what’s meant to be for you will be yours effortlessly.

Posted in Akira, Amy Douangmany, Ariyah, Blog, Healing, Malynah, Maylana, Self Reflection

🦋🪺🕊🐾💧 Dear Diary, We’re all experiencing life for the first time

Posted on by Ms. Amy D

and it’s far from easy.

My throat is very dry and raspy, so I’m drinking some Aqua Panna natural spring water from Tuscany.

One thing about me is that I struggle with drinking water. I’ve always been bad at staying hydrated, and that’s probably why I decided to invest in higher quality water.

Now, I feel a bit better. Thinking about my mom, I’m grateful every day for her, despite her strictness when growing up. Now that I’m an adult with my own children, I love my mom so much. We often don’t understand how hard it is to be a mom, trying to raise multiple children while also learning and living life for the first time, just like our parents or children. We’re all experiencing life for the first time, and it’s far from easy.

I appreciate my mom doing her best to raise me with simple values like mindfulness, understanding, patience, and respect. Nowadays, respect seems so rare. Sometimes, we need to understand that people can only love as much as they love themselves. If they don’t love themselves, it’s impossible for them to love others.

I was up looking at my Tiktok campaigns, and one of them is the Feed Your Wild Side campaign. I joined because I felt a wild, fun, and free-spirited side to me exists. I submitted three videos, but one got rejected because I accidentally removed a letter from the account name. That was disappointing because it showed five years of being a mom to my youngest, capturing a very intimate relationship with her. Things have changed over time, but my love for my kids is the most valuable thing in my life. I look forward to continuing to create memories with them. My wild side revolves around being a mom, and I wouldn’t change that. There are struggles in parenting, especially as children growing to be adults find their identities, which can take a lifetime.

I plan to continue loving myself as much as I can so that I can love them. It always starts with ourselves, and the love I have for them is a testament to how much I love myself. I’m constantly trying my best to get out of situations that don’t serve me or my purpose. I encourage everyone to do the same. Don’t let your life be limited by people who want to keep you on standby with no regard to your personal struggles or need for support because it’s just unnecessary baggage that’s not needed.  The way people treat you reflects how they feel about you, and once you accept that, you need to move with grace and not subject yourself to a lifestyle that doesn’t serve you.

Negative emotions can really affect your well-being. Feelings of being burdened, resentment, being gaslit, manipulated, or lied to can be detrimental to your mental and emotional health. So, choose yourself every time. The economy is rough, and nothing is promised. Live your life and share it with people who make you feel purposeful and passionate.

I don’t enjoy being in survival mode ever. I feel like I’ve done my part, being patient and understanding, thinking about others’ positions without any reciprocation. It’s rare to find someone who does something for you without reminding you of it. Genuine love shouldn’t come at the expense of your mental, physical, or spiritual health.

I’m thankful for my mom. The more I think about her, the more I realize it’s a parent’s lifelong responsibility to influence their children to be good, respectful, and mindful people. Sometimes it’s hard to accept things as they are, rather than as we wish them to be. But I’m coming to terms with it, and I think this will set me free.

I pray for continued wisdom, patience, and guidance. I hope that the good I put out will eventually align me with someone as real as I am. I don’t want to be in a relationship where my values are disrespected, where there are no morals or commitment to love and marriage. I hold my body, mind, and soul sacred and hope to make the best decisions for my future. We truly live once, and if we do it right, it’s enough.

Posted in Amy Douangmany, Blog, Healing, Self Reflection

🚢 🚣‍♀️ 🏊‍♀️ 🚀 👩‍🚀 Dear Diary, Tonight feels like I’m at Point Nemo.

Posted on by Ms. Amy D

I feel like I’m probably closer to space than I am to Earth at this point.

I feel so disconnected from certain individuals. I don’t understand why I can’t escape this feeling of being burdened and imprisoned by outside energy.

The water is calm where I am. The sun isn’t too hot. I can hear the leaves rustling on the trees and feel the movements of life in the waters surrounding this island. I am probably in a hammock in a bikini with a very adorable cat soaking up the sun. This cat of mine would have a round face, big fluffy paws, and her name is probably going to be Sailor Moon or Mooncake. Or Cupcake. She’s going to be part of my journey when the time comes, and I look forward to meeting her and having her accompany me, sooner than later.

I seek stability, structure, affection, and reassurance—all of these things that I keep putting out. But either my expectations are too high or others’ expectations are too low, and I feel disappointed.

I refuse to believe that the love I hope to acquire one day, the love of my life, doesn’t exist. I ask for simply what I’d give—the love that I put out. I want just that, if not more, and it seems almost unattainable. I’ve made peace with such possibilities, and I’m okay with focusing on just connecting with my inner self, nature, and everything in between. Maybe this is the epitome for me.

The lights on my balcony may not be much and may not cover a lot of space, but they’re on my balcony. People see them, they acknowledge them to themselves, and they’re beautiful. Dimmable. That’s me. I’m a balcony with lights on it. I put out light—not always, but I put out light. I aspire to be remembered, especially for having a reputation for putting out light, no matter how dark or bright it is. It’s consistently on when it needs to be, not necessarily as a reminder, but as an identifier. I am this lighted balcony.

I’m on the balcony, rocking back and forth with two scoops of orange sherbet ice cream in one hand and iced coffee in my pink, Stanley, 30-ounce cup nearby. The day started at 96 degrees, down to 86 degrees in the evening, and the temperature will continue to drop to about 66 degrees by midnight.

That’s when the lights are on and brightest in my home. That’s when I’m awake while the world is asleep. And I’m okay with that because maybe I’m just not made for this world. Maybe in another universe, we can be on the same schedule for once. Just maybe.

I’m going to dim my lights to an all-time low, but when I turn up the brightness, don’t stare and brace yourself because you could be blinded by how bright these lights can get. It’s still dimmable. Only on my command. Unlimited lumens.