I will wait for you because you are always going to be worth the wait.

It is Sunday and I am commencing off this month with gratitude and rejuvenation. A lot has transpired in the past many months and the weather is shifting. When you step outside, you can feel the breeze that passes through. My heart is astounded with affection and appreciation. I continue to pray for those that I care for, near and far, even if we don’t speak any longer or there’s ongoing distance including unforeseen detachments. I pray for everyone to take it a day at a time, your mental well-being and physical health are worth more than any acquaintance, connection, and or occupation. It’s okay to prioritize your needs and put up boundaries for your own sanity.

I am lying on my stomach, face entirely buried into a cushion in the presence of my first male masseuse. He is using a body scrub on me going from head to toe which is followed up with a full body massage. I feel tranquil. I wish there was a way to purify my mind of these unending contemplations. To make it less awkward, I engaged in light dialogue. As his hands press on my skin and he applies compression, I feel unconstructive energy exit my body. In this very moment, I feel inevitable and remind myself that self-care and solitude allow me to reset my thoughts and prepare myself for life’s constant encounters.

My masseuse shared with me that his line of work has pros and cons but I want to emphasize the con(s) associated with his field of work. He shared with me that people come to these spa sessions for various reasons which stress as the reason can be less obvious. He proceeds to share that during these sessions, there is always an exchange of energy. While the massage therapist is removing bad energy, he is exposed to his clients’ energy shift/exchange and it does impact his mood on a circumstantial basis if his clients are stressed or unhappy. I left my session that afternoon with a moment of clarity. I keep this information close to my heart as I distance myself from the world from time to time.

It rained briefly yesterday as I headed into the library to pick up some new releases to read. My favorite genre is romance but I love page-turners and mystery but rather watch those genres instead of reading them. I enjoy reading about affection and passion because the novelists do a remarkable job putting those feelings or “capturing the moment” exceptionally well using words without graphics. I find that to be an exceedingly dexterous gift as I enjoy interpretation, literature, and using my imagination.

It has been storming in my life here and there, on some days there’s light rain and if I get lucky enough, a rainbow may appear, but both rain and rainbow don’t stay long. Sometimes it needs to rain as the rain can be used to strengthen our roots and to remind us that life is about developing and improving so without rain every once in a while, there’s no growth or progression.

I’ve had my share of losses and I’ve mastered the ability to not be attached to things but also people because you don’t really own anything or have any control over any person. People aren’t meant to always be there or part of your entire journey and material things cannot be taken with you when your time is up. I saw a video where a mortician spoke about how she worked at funerals for over 6 years; she shared that even when you are gone, people will still talk about you, good and bad, on that same day too. It’s just the reality of life. So do what you need to do for yourself, don’t let the opinions of others affect you.

As I find myself back in motion, I am finding the courage to change my environment on a daily basis. I don’t want to lose the opportunity to be present with the people who actually love me and are rooting for me consistently without conditions. Instead of looking for answers or closure, I give my focus to healing and accepting that I don’t ever wish to control the future or change the past. The setbacks are just opportunities for us to bounce back. If you are not willing to fail, then you’re never going to succeed because failure is literally part of the process. Be kind to everyone, you never know what they are going through, we all are going through things.

When you get here, I will be more healed and continue to heal. I will welcome you back with open arms; not just parts of you; ALL of you. I want love. I want friendship. I want business partners and a team of powerful people who are emotionally, mentally, and intellectually strong; therefore I will be everything that I want to attract. I am waiting for ME, the best possible version of myself that is so powerful and worthy of honest and genuine connections.

SHE, in her most rectified and authentic state, will always be worth the wait. I am her, she is ME.