but I am on it.
Lately, I have been feeling extremely overwhelmed, yet I am still holding on, holding on to hope, to dreams, to goals, to peace, to security, to stability. I am holding on to the reward that comes from being patient, resilient, kind, giving, and forgiving. In this vast world of billions of people, there are moments when I feel profoundly alone.
Part of me feels like something is missing, though I cannot quite put the pieces together. I long for distance, for individuality, where I do not rely on anyone and no one relies on me. Where for once it is truly about me and the battles I fight are only for me.
Life becomes entangled when others depend on us for love, emotional support, financial support, and guidance. In those moments, decisions are rarely ours alone. I realize now that I have not often been able to make things about me in a way that is truly mine.
I crave experiences that feel deeply personal, traveling, seeing the world through my own eyes, romanticizing my life and the idea of love in a way that is intimate and authentic. It may take years, especially as a mother of young children, whose needs shape every day. But I hope that as they grow, they encounter kindness, integrity, and love in abundance. I hope their journeys are lighter than mine has felt lately.
The past few years, I have not met enough people who make life easier in the ways I desire. Not because they have not tried, but because my standards are high. High standards make people look at you differently. Some do not like it. Some quietly or loudly resent it. Yet in the respect they hold, there is acknowledgment of my clarity, my precision, and my drive toward the results I envision. I will continue forward relentlessly until my last breath.
My personal growth is ongoing. I see areas I want to refine, my bluntness, my harsh honesty, and my unfiltered truth that may feel disrespectful to others. But those who take the time to understand will see that my intentions are always rooted in authenticity and care. Life is about mindsets. Even in struggle, in obstacles, in moments of uncertainty, we are worthy, capable, and deserving. Roadblocks do not diminish value; they challenge us to grow.
I have learned that sharing plans and struggles often opens the door to judgment rather than understanding. People rarely credit effort or see the rationale. But I am accountable to myself. There is only one me, and I trust my growth, my manifestation, and the daily steps I take forward, whether recognized or unseen by others.
Good things are coming, not only for me but for those who align with this energy. The path is not always clear, but I am on it, unwavering. When I arrive, I hope to see all the lessons, the growth, and the journey reflected in the beauty of the life I have courageously built. I am on my way, and I hope to see you there too.
Dear Diary, 