Not just physically good, but soul-deep good.
Today marks almost 24 hours of stillness. No running around. No forcing myself to be anywhere or with anyone. Just me. And honestly, I feel good. Not just physically good, but soul-deep good. I’ve been discontained, distant, and quietly reserved. This little pause has let my mind breathe and stretch and unfold in ways I didn’t even know it needed to.
I’ve come to realize I’m done trying to make sense of things that aren’t meant to be understood. People do things that seem careless, inconsistent, or even cruel, and for the longest time I tried to decipher it. Translate it. Give it meaning. But what if it never had any? What if their actions weren’t rooted in anything intentional, thoughtful, or kind? What if my need to understand was just wishful thinking dressed up as empathy?
Wishful thinking can be beautiful, but it can also be dangerous. It tempts you to justify nonsense. It keeps you analyzing when you should be letting go. It makes excuses for people who never took accountability, and it leaves you explaining yourself to people who never cared to listen. And when you’re someone who values your life deeply, it’s disheartening to be misunderstood by those who don’t value anything at all… not even themselves.
But then I think about those people who are just consistent. The quiet achievers. The women who wake up and take care of business without needing applause. They’re steady. Peaceful. Unbothered. And often, they’re misunderstood or even hated for that. Because looking unbothered when you really love yourself seems to trigger something in people who haven’t found that same kind of peace.
People love to vilify what they envy. They create stories, rumors, and narratives to shape you into someone that makes them feel more comfortable about their own misery. And I’m finally realizing I don’t need to fix that. I don’t need to explain myself or break myself down just to be digested more easily.
I’ve found inspiration in places I never expected. Maybe it’s someone I’ll never meet. Maybe it’s a story from someone rich in something I don’t yet have. But the feeling I carry isn’t envy—it’s admiration. And it fuels me. I’ve been showing up for myself in real ways. Studying. Learning. Listening. This summer feels like school for the soul. And I think I’m about to graduate with honors.
Right now, my hair is still damp from the everything shower I just took. It was luxurious, long, and full of intention. Exfoliation, oils, steamy softness. It was all part of this little ceremony I’ve been having with myself lately. A ceremony of rebirth. My body feels calm. My skin is glowing. I smell like Good Girl and clean sheets. I’m letting myself heal from a fun and chaotic weekend and finding joy in simply being again.
I usually circle things back to my children. I always do. But tonight, I’m circling back to me. Just me. And it feels good. I want to love myself better. Respect myself deeper. Draw clearer boundaries. Create more space. Call in more peace.
I don’t know what’s coming next. Maybe this is hibernation. Maybe it’s the cocoon before the wings. But I know this next version of me isn’t for public display. She’s quiet. Sacred. Becoming. And she’s not coming out to play just yet.
Because the world doesn’t get to take from her this time.
She’s staying with me.
With love,
Amy
Dear Diary, 