that honesty and credibility are everything.
Tonight is an amazing night. Dinner was delicious, and now I’m taking a light late-night cruise, just to get to a point where I can get out and get some fresh air. On my mind tonight are some very humbling thoughts. It finally makes sense to me why I’ve always worked really hard and wanted to have luxury things, especially a luxury car—a Mercedes, in particular. My car has always been like a friend to me, taking me from place to place, from job to job, from home to home.
I feel like I’m moving in a very good direction in my life right now. I have a lot of support and many opportunities, and I want to remain humble. I may not always be in a Mercedes, plus a car is just a car. We’re not always going to have the nicest and most luxurious things. Sometimes, we might have them, but they may need to be in the shop or whatever. Not everything in life is permanent; certain things are temporary, just like this vehicle, I’m driving tonight. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter because life is about adjusting to changes, adapting, and learning how to survive. It’s about being grateful for every single thing.
As I continue through life, I hope to remain very humble, always grateful, treating people with love and respect, and being as honest as possible. In the world we live in, people seem to not understand that honesty and credibility are everything. Over time, you realize that the consequences of being dishonest and having malicious intentions toward others are not worth it. I’m very excited about the goals I’m setting for myself as I navigate through different situations that are beyond challenging and stressful at times.
Tonight is going to be a memorable night for me because I’ve found it in my heart that not everything is going to work out in life, and whatever is meant to be will be. When I had my phone call with my mother and sister today, I realized I am a very loyal person. I will always be loyal to those who are there for me, who try to give me support, love, and understanding, and who learn how to forgive. One of those people is my dad. It’s hard being a parent, working to provide for your children, giving them Christmas gifts, birthday gifts, and taking them on trips and outings. Whatever happens after a divorce or separation, it shouldn’t affect your relationship with your parents. They may have tried to make the relationship work, but it didn’t, and that’s okay. We have to forgive our parents for enduring the struggles of maintaining a relationship. I hope my children understand that in life, nothing is permanent. People die every day, relationships end, and it’s okay. Everything happens for a reason. If someone is meant to be in your life, no one can take that person away. If someone isn’t meant to be part of your life for long, ultimately they will take their exit when that time comes so stay detached from the idea that people won’t leave, because they do for various reasons outside of death or change of heart. It doesn’t mean they are bad people; they’re just not meant to be in your life anymore.
This is the mentality I am adopting moving forward. I need to think bigger. Everything that has happened, even the bad things, was supposed to happen so I could learn from those mistakes. I have to learn how to forgive myself, even though it sometimes hurts. Everything else is just part of life. I’m trying to find ways not to stress anymore. I’m trying to rest more, think more, and do whatever it takes to make life easier for me. At the end of the day, I can’t rely on others to take care of me. I have to take care of myself. As long as I can take care of and love myself, I can take care of and love others. To give to others—whether it’s love, time, or attention—it starts with yourself. I’m starting to understand the saying “you have to love yourself” in different ways as life continues to happen to me.
So, as I drive tonight, I’m going to enjoy my music, enjoy the company of my kids, and hope that each and every day moving forward, things in my life continue to get better. I’m going to continue to add happiness and value to my life and make sure my kids are taken care of. There’s nothing more important to me than being a mom in this lifetime.
I think that’s the beauty of it. If you keep trying to understand why certain things keep happening in your life and find a way to learn from them, instead of taking it personal, you’ll thrive. You won’t let the obstacles and challenges in life make you feel defeated or discouraged. There’s so much in life that I’m looking forward to: so many experiences, places, and different intricate desserts and meals I want to try. I want to breathe different kinds of air, visit different beaches and deserts, and have the experiences I’ve always wanted since I was young. I want a luxurious lifestyle, but I’m willing to work for it. I believe that everything I’ve been through in my life is leading me to those opportunities. Whatever happens, I will continue to try and not ever give up. I will continue to be honest. There is a lot of power in staying honest and not giving up, in just hanging on and continually trying over and over again and continuously learning.
Dear Diary, 