when the adrenaline of survival fades away.
In the stillness of 1:38 AM, when the world is hushed and the chaos of survival subsides, a rare moment emerges for contemplation. Here, in this silent sanctuary, the floodgates of grief open, allowing for reflection upon the mishandlings of the past. Perspectives shift as the harsh realities come into focus, urging a more pragmatic outlook.
No one talks about what happens when the adrenaline of survival fades away. Let me shed light on it. In the tranquility of silence, I find space to grieve and ponder the mishandling of situations. It’s in these moments that my perspective shifts, prompting a more grounded and realistic understanding of things.
The pursuit of personal fulfillment becomes the demands of others, leading to the systematic dismantling of one’s security, stability, and happiness. Countless battles waged silently, hidden from the world’s gaze, met with indifference or hostility from those who wish to see defeat rather than resilience.
There were countless moments when I felt defeated, yet no one knew the struggles I faced. It seemed like others were rooting for my failure, unable to bear the idea of my success. I struggle to understand why we can’t support each other and strive for the best together. I believe in divine timing—what’s meant for you will come to you. If you’re sincere and dedicated, obstacles won’t hinder your path to success.
I link my Bluetooth to the Harmon Kardon speaker and cue up music from my Amazon Likes playlist. While my little chefs prepare breakfast, I attend to the household chores, folding blankets into makeshift beds. The laughter of children in the kitchen—offers a fleeting respite from the storm. The weather is lovely, prompting me to open the blinds and sliding door to let in the fresh air. However, my gaze falls upon my cat’s cage outside, a lingering reminder of a task I’ve been struggling to complete. I hope to dismantle it soon and rid myself of its presence.
A visit to the temple, Wat Phosiesattanak, in hopes of encountering my father, only to find he has already departed, brings a sense of belonging, a connection to heritage and community. I tuned in with the familiar sights and sounds. Nevertheless, we indulge in Thai tea and cultural foods, relishing the sense of belonging among familiar faces. This is as connected as I’ll ever be with anyone, just the surface level. Can’t go deep because I don’t want to get caught up in the whirlwind. On the surface level, I can satisfy my needs for H2O, Vitamin D, and Vitamin Me.
Dear Diary, 